There’s this one… uhm I really don’t know what to call it, but it goes this way…

C’mon! You’re better than this!

I’m really not.

I used to laugh it off ’cause admit it; it’s funny! But recently, I had a newfound appreciation for that retort.

All our lives, we’re told to always be our best selves. Be considerate of others. Be civil. For in so doing we inadvertently suppress – even completely ignore – how we truly feel. All just to keep that best self on at all times.

It’s no different from bottling up emotions to me. Yeah, you might get away now. But rest assured it’ll catch up on you one way or another. More than that though, this is me acknowledging that I’m human: fallible, fickle, but ever open to even the slightest idea of making myself better.

For now, I wanna be the me I rarely get to see. Maybe it’s okay to say no. To feel bad and not feel sorry about it. I wanna experience the full range of emotions I’ve always bottled up because I have to be my best self all the time. Maybe it’s okay to put myself first.

So I think my best self can get a timeout for now. Today, I’m screwing the age-old mantra. I am gonna be myself and I’m not apologising for it.

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Let go.

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On kindness

It is easy to be kind when all is well in our lives.
True kindness is when we have next to nothing but still able to bless others with a cheerful heart.
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We make an amazing audience.

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​Just spent about thirty minutes at a 100-yen shop aisle overanalysing which laundry clip set to buy. There’s a 2-for-100 pack and another with four. Well I need four but I don’t wanna spend 200 yen for laundry clips! But if I get the 4-for-100, am thinking I could be shortchanging myself for something less ‘cooler’ but cheaper. Well, wutever. 

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For years I have asked myself why. 

It was only yesterday I realized maybe there is no need for a reason. That I’ve been looking at it the wrong way all my life until yesterday. All the while feeling like a fraud for being unable to explain why. For being unable to give a reason.

Now I feel at peace more than I ever did. Finally, one of my life’s greatest questions put to rest.

Thanks derp. You were instrumental to this.

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Hell.

~grabbed from the net

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