There’s this one… uhm I really don’t know what to call it, but it goes this way…
C’mon! You’re better than this!
I’m really not.
I used to laugh it off ’cause admit it; it’s funny! But recently, I had a newfound appreciation for that retort.
All our lives, we’re told to always be our best selves. Be considerate of others. Be civil. For in so doing we inadvertently suppress – even completely ignore – how we truly feel. All just to keep that best self on at all times.
It’s no different from bottling up emotions to me. Yeah, you might get away now. But rest assured it’ll catch up on you one way or another. More than that though, this is me acknowledging that I’m human: fallible, fickle, but ever open to even the slightest idea of making myself better.
For now, I wanna be the me I rarely get to see. Maybe it’s okay to say no. To feel bad and not feel sorry about it. I wanna experience the full range of emotions I’ve always bottled up because I have to be my best self all the time. Maybe it’s okay to put myself first.
So I think my best self can get a timeout for now. Today, I’m screwing the age-old mantra. I am gonna be myself and I’m not apologising for it.